the twinkle and the noodlehead

The Mysteries of Hair and Words

2012-02-16T20:03:00.001-05:00

Remember when Boo-Boo was little and had crazy hair? Well, some things haven't changed.

Matilda, meanwhile, is loving her kindergarten teacher. Like, spontaneous-gifts-and-cards love. Like, all-good-things-must-come-to-Ms. M love. It's great. Here's a card she made for Ms. M all by herself. The front says, "Dear Ms. M I [heart] you Ms. M."

I can't get enough of Matilda's phonetic spelling. Here are a couple of get-well cards she made for our friends, a father and son who both sustained broken ankles while sledding (hit by two different sleds in two separate accidents; the dad was hit by an adult and the son was hit by a kid). Perhaps in homage to the weirdness of that event, she made the two cards mirror images of one another.

But possibly the best part is that she didn't know their last name, so she addressed it "Mr. Whatever." The kid's said "Liet Wavr" (Eliot Whatever). I sort of hope she never learns to spell, though that might be difficult to pull off as the daughter of an English professor.

Happy First Birthday, Boo-Boo!

2012-02-09T10:52:00.000-05:00

January 20, 2012

Dear Etta,

Your first birthday; our first year as a family of four; Matilda’s first year as a big sister; your first year as a little sister. Our little family has grown as you have grown: from three people to three people and a baby to four people. Four people, one of whom (you!) is so smiley, so snuggly, and so sweet that I cannot help but feel profoundly grateful.

Mingled with that gratitude is a sense of wonder. Where did those chubby cheeks come from, my skinny little Etta-string-bean? How did you learn to curve your arm around my shoulder and snuggle that chubby cheek right into the crook of my neck, right where it belongs? Who taught to charm your sister, to wrap your arms and legs around her, to giggle at her antics, to smile up at her so broadly and delightedly that she just had to smile back, giggle back, wrap her own arms around you and kiss the top of your downy head?

You are a lover, and no one can help loving you back. You’re happy to go almost anyone, and we’re not the only ones who melt at the feel of your soft cheek, at your generous cuddles, at your break-your-face-in-two grin. But you’re also full of fun. You could probably walk by now, but instead you want to climb. On to the table, the tray of your high chair, the back of the sofa, the tippy-top of anything you see. Teetering on the edge of just about anything, your eyes sparkle with mischief and accomplishment. You love to be chased and tickled, climb into boxes, and play mimicking games. Some of the happiest moments of the past year have come from the backseat of the car, Matilda’s peals of laughter ringing out because you imitated a sound that she made, your own hoarse little heh-heh-heh joining in.

My sweet Boo-Boo, my Etta-bean, I’m so glad you’re here and you're one! Out with the babyhood, in with the toddler mayhem!

Love,
Mama

Cake is Good, You do Things Well

2012-02-07T12:29:00.000-05:00

Step One: Grasp as much cake as you can in your hand.

Step Two: Cram it in your mouth.

Step Three: More?

Step Four: Satisfied

Step Five: Blissed Out

Step Six: Triumphant

(The title of the post comes from the sentence I learned to distinguish between good - an adjective - and well - an adverb. This blog post thus highlights my two greatest skills: producing cute children and geeking out over grammar.)

While I was Gone. . .

2012-02-05T21:45:00.001-05:00

. . . somebody turned into a toddler.

Not naming any names, of course, but I think you can probably guess.

(Only gone from the blog - not anywhere else. Just the usual two kids - two jobs thing conspired with a lost password and pictures trapped on the camera. But I'm back!)

Lists

2011-11-27T10:16:00.000-05:00

Things Matilda is wearing today in order to look more like a boy:

suspenders made from one pink polka-dotted ribbon, one purple polka-dotted ribbon, and one leopard-print ribbon
pigtails
a pink ruffly shirt with a pink cardigan over the top, tucked into jeans

Things Boo-Boo has scaled, despite not knowing how to walk yet:

the end table
the arm of the couch (from the end table)
a large cardboard box
a stack of puzzle boxes

Times Boo-Boo has thought that the day might start:

3 a.m.
5 a.m.
4.15 a.m.

Things that I have done that have resulted in Matilda declaring that I am "the best mama ever!":

putting salt on her lentils
not putting salt on the babysitter's quesadilla

(I promise I'll be back soon with actual pictures and maybe even some videos.)

Little Family on the Prairie (of Pittsburgh)

2011-11-04T23:20:00.001-04:00

Etta Claps

2011-11-03T07:54:00.000-04:00

Our good friend Joanna watched Etta yesterday when Steve had to work an off-schedule day. Not only did she step in to provide emergency child care, but she taught Etta to clap and then emailed me a video of it!

So that's the best thing about this video. But the second best thing is definitely Etta's bedhead. I put her the bed the night before with clean, damp hair. The next morning, she woke up with this. I think snot may be her secret hair product.

A Burgeoning Relationship

2011-10-07T14:45:00.000-04:00

The photo above is classic Matilda and Etta. That is, if anything can be called classic that's only existed for eight months. The key features are Matilda's arm extended at full length so that she can stand as far away from her sister as possible while still managing to put food in her mouth. And Boo-Boo's sporting her signature WTF? look.

But lately she's been sporting more and more adoring glances when her big sister deigns to give her attention. And that - like more most flattery - is getting her everywhere. Last weekend Matilda, for the very first time ever, commented on how cute Etta is. And then she fed Etta from her fingertip. This is big news considering that she lives in mortal fear of baby spit-up and drool.

I think we've now reached the point where Etta is part of our tribe, for better or for worse. Matilda recently drew a floor plan of a castle where and Etta could live without us. She did get the much bigger bedroom, but I guess that's the breaks when you're the little sister. When she was upset when I had to work late recently, Matilda sobbed, "I just want to go back to how it was before. Not before Etta was born, but before Mama had to go back to work." It breaks my heart that she misses me, but that little phrase, "not before Etta was born," almost makes up for it.

I have no idea if they'll actually be friends - I actually think that it's more up to chance than anything else. But holding them both in my arms, snuggling them both in my bed, even just driving with both of them in the backseat makes my life feel full and complete in a way I never imagined.

(Wearing matching orange shirts and flowered skirts by Matilda's design.)

Mama, take a picture of me and say, "That Tilda always has her nose in a book."

2011-09-29T11:53:00.000-04:00

Well, OK.

Sniff, Sniff

2011-09-25T11:14:00.000-04:00

This morning Matilda informed me that she "destroyed" her imaginary friends because she's "too grown-up for them." So, good-bye Adda, good-bye Movra and Modie and Frankie and all the rest.

I think that, for the rest of my life, when I think of Matilda as a pre-schooler, I will think of her playing, by herself but nearby, chattering away to Adda. Sometimes she argued with Adda; other times she just talked as she colored, fashioned tissues into little clothes, built houses out of legos, or played school. The rest of the gang (Movra, Modie, Freddie and an ever-evolving cast) usually came in when more of an audience was required.

Adda almost never went to actual school with Tilda. In fact, I knew Tilda was having a particularly difficult transition to Pre-K last year when she mentioned that Adda was there. I always laughed to think that part of my reluctance to have a second child came from fear of sibling rivalry, yet I found myself mediating arguments between Matilda and her imaginary sister.

Five-years-old is right on time for outgrowing imaginary friends. I remember about this time that the substance of my imaginary friend, Dieter, kind of faded and he became more a story than a real presence. This is a timely transition, but it's also bittersweet. One more thing about Matilda's childhood is ensconced in memory rather than the moment.

The good news, though, is that Matilda told me that she could bring Adda back to life if she wanted to. And she let me know that, when this happens, Adda will be living in my bedroom from then on.

Etta and Nana

2011-09-23T16:08:00.000-04:00

For Boo-Boo, Wherever I May Find Her

2011-09-22T01:33:00.000-04:00

Did I mention that Etta is now crawling, pulling up, trying to walk, grabbing everything in sight, waving, pointing, and generally getting into everything?

It's great.

Kindergartener

2011-09-09T11:30:00.000-04:00

Matilda started kindergarten on Wednesday. She was less nervous than starting starting Pre-K last year (and so were we) because she's going back to the same school. Still she did tell me the night before, "Mama, I'm a little nervous," and then that morning she burst into tears when I suggested she get a little more sleep. (Note: once your child has cried, calmed down, and talked about what to expect that day, going back to sleep for any member of the family is no longer an option.)

Last year, she was dwarfed by her backpack but proud to be carrying it. This year, she slung her backpack off to one side - no need to show it off. Last year held herself upright for these photos, focused and still. This year, she was silly, amped up, flapping her arms and cracking jokes, moving around so much it was hard to capture her in the camera's frame.

When we got to school, she joined the line of kindergarteners, many of them holding their parents' hands as we marched down the hallway to her classroom. Then she and the other kids just marched right on in to that room, leaving the parents in the hallway. Now we were aimless, amped up, moving around, craning our necks to glimpse our children in their first moments of being swept up into this public school experience.

Matilda reported that the first day went well, and she seems happy. I wonder how these years of whispered secrets and forced sharing and new friends and direction-following will shape her. How they shape all of us who go through traditional schools. Education is bigger - must be bigger - than any one of us. It's powerful and inefficient and rife with opportunity and often broken.

The prospect of joining its ranks makes us both giddy.

Paulsen Family Reunion

2011-08-31T12:07:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago we attended Steve's family reunion in Des Moines. We had a great time, but I think I'll let the pictures tell the story - I'm swamped with work, being back in the classroom for the first time since Etta was born.

I will add, though, that we just missed having the youngest baby at the reunion. Cute, cheek-a-licious Teddy beat Etta by a few months. (Remember when Matilda was the youngest one at the Webster family reunion?)

Steve's family is so fun, warm, and welcoming. We all had fun, from swimming lessons for Matilda to Etta being toted around as a chick-magnet at the Iowa State fair. Steve and I loved seeing our girls scooped up and embraced by this lovely family.

Trip with Etta

2011-08-16T22:11:00.000-04:00

We just got back from a fun trip to Steve's family reunion, with a little jaunt at the end up to Minneapolis. Matilda stayed with Nana and Poppy in Des Moines, and we headed out for some quality time with Etta. (In this case, quality time includes sleeping with a feverish baby attached to my body, waking up five or six times a night to nurse, and holding her while she screamed all the way home on the plane. You know, quality.)

Despite forgetting our camera, we have a few pictures of a beautiful day spent with our good friends Chris and Christa and their family in Minneapolis. Pictures of the family reunion . . . well, send them my way. I'd love to post some!

Perhaps the very best part of our time with Chris and Christa was when their two-year-old son Ezra shared the stroller with Etta. We glanced down to find that Ezra had oh-so-casually put his arm around Etta . . . and then propped up his other elbow, as if to say, "Aw yeah, just maxing and relaxing with my girl."

Future picture on their save-the-date wedding invitation. Isn't Ezzie just scrumptious?

Classics: Baby with Food on her Face

2011-08-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

Etta loves to eat and has gobbled up pretty much anything we've given her. (As an aside, Matilda's jealousy has borne strange but positive fruit, as I watched her competitively eat pureed green beans and quinoa alongside her sister.)

So, of course we have to show a few pictures of the baby with food on her face. It's pretty much obligatory, right? You'd never know, though, from these pictures how much she loves food. That's because electronic gadgets are way cooler than anything on a spoon. The good news is that it's not quite so messy anymore. Though anything is a step up from the time that she put her finger in her mouth and - THWAK! - splattered carrots all over my hair and glasses.

Food is good . . . but the camera's better!

Matildia and Zach

2011-08-03T12:27:00.000-04:00

We just a neighbor move away. His name is Zach, and he's moving back to Jordan, where he's originally from. He lived in an apartment across the street for the past year or so, while he was a Master's student at Pitt. He's hoping to come back to do a Ph.D., but he's not sure about the funding.

We're hoping he makes it back here, if only because he and Matilda forged a really sweet bond. He pronounces her name "Matildia." I'm not even sure how they started talking, but Matilda's been pointing him out as her friend for months. We took this picture after he came over to offer her a few going-away gifts. One of them was a rababa, a musical instrument.

Matilda recognized what a great gift this was and tried to think about what she could give him to remember her by. She drew a picture of the two of them in Jordan, but she wasn't quite satisfied. She asked me if she could cut off a lock of her hair to give to him (we may be reading a few nineteenth-century books around here . . .). I nixed that idea. Then Zach came over to say a final good-bye, and she handed him a present she had assembled. Inside were the picture, a snippet of her homemade puppet's dress, and a lock of the puppet's hair. It was the perfect solution. Zach seemed really touched, and kept exclaiming "Cool! Awesome!" like he knew that a lock of a puppet's hair was proof of a five-year-old's affection.

After he left, Matilda was a little down, so I told her, "You know, I bet Zach will go back to Jordan and show his family the pictures he took with you, and tell them about the little girl he was friends with in America." And she said, "Oh, I think he's already told them all about me."

Consumerism, Body Image, and Other Subjects I Thought We Didn't Have to Deal with Yet

2011-07-31T20:02:00.000-04:00

I took Matilda shopping with me the other night, which was surprisingly fun. She carefully picked out a few things to try on, preened in front of the mirror, and then agreeably left without buying anything. I didn't buy anything either, trying to show her that window shopping is fun, too.

Anyway, as I was trying on a pair of pants in front of the big mirror - not inside our dressing room, mind you - Matilda started rubbing my butt with both hands, and then proclaimed, "I love your rump, Mama."

Which would all be rather sweet (if slightly embarrassing), except that later she told me that I'm fat because I drink too much beer! The latter part of that statement may well be correct, but didn't it produce the very rump she loves so much??

(For the record, she also told me earlier that same day that I'm skinny, so she obviously has no idea what fat and skinny really mean. I think this may go beyond my standard, "We come in all shapes and sizes" line. Oh dear.)

Fun with Cylinders

2011-07-26T16:54:00.000-04:00

Boo-Boo can't believe this peanut butter jar had the temerity to roll away from her . . .

. . . while Tilda had the insight to harness these coffee cans and make them into stilts!

(Note: we do let our children play with things that are not cast-off cyclindrical food containers. Just in case you were wondering.)

Happy Half!

2011-07-20T20:22:00.000-04:00

Dear Etta,

You are named after your great-great-aunt Harriett, who was both sweet and strong. Aunt Harriett was brave enough to nurse soldiers in Vietnam, but she was also kind and gentle, able to put others first. At only six months, it’s way too soon to tell if you’ll manage that impressive feat, but we have a few hints that you, too, may be both sweet and strong.

People always comment on how strong you are. You’ve always been able to hold your head up, looking around with bright, eager eyes. You were able to sit by yourself before you hit four months, roll around at will before five months, and now you’re gearing up to crawl and practicing taking steps while holding on to our hands.

This physical strength, though, accompanies a sweetness. I feel it in the way your downy head sometimes rests against my shoulder. Or how you seem to know when Matilda needs attention, and you quiet down to let her take center stage. Or how you manage to enjoy almost anything while perched on my hip, no matter how prosaic: loading the dishwasher, running errands, even spackling.

You’re our little Etta-bean, skinny around the middle with a swirl of yellow on top. Your big blue eyes are often crinkled with laughter, your mouth open in a full-body smile. Sometimes you even interrupt your crying for a quick smile! You’re fascinated by your sister, but you’re happy with almost anyone. You have completed our family, filling a hole that we weren’t even sure was there. When I hold you in my arms, I feel like I am holding a gift. Even after the worst night (and you’ve given us some long ones), I am so grateful that we have you in our lives. You make this family glow.

Happy Half, Boo-Boo.

Love,
Mama

Matilda, Etta, and Kit

2011-07-18T20:33:00.000-04:00

Matilda loves her American Girl doll, Kit Kittredge. In fact, Kit was the inspiration for Matilda's summer hair cut. Tell her that she looks just like Kit, and she beams with pride. When we proposed a photo shoot for Nana's birthday, Kit had to be included.

But I don't think that it's really Kit and Tilda who look alike in the final picture - it's Matilda and Etta. Don't you think?

Cleveland in the Summertime.

2011-07-17T12:20:00.000-04:00

Playing outside for the kids, margaritas for the grown-ups, and friends all around.

To MKE

2011-07-07T10:17:00.000-04:00

I took the girls to Milwaukee to see cousin Beatrix before she takes off for life in Paris. Til and Bea were as excited to see one another as they always are.

Even though they're almost four years apart in age, they have so much fun together. This time they played endless games of pretend. Pretend we're going to school on the prairie. Pretend our parents died in the war. Pretend we're rich and live in a mansion. And, my favorite, a conversation that continued on and off for a half-hour drive:

Matilda and Bea decided that they would each have a pretend snack in the car. Bea's was mints; Matilda's was raisins. Pretty soon, though, it occurred to Matilda that she really set the bar low on her snack.

Matilda: Pretend I have mints, too.
Bea: You can't have mints. You already have raisins.
[back to playing for a few minutes. Then . . .]

Matilda: Pretend I have any kind of candy I want for my snack.
Bea: You already chose raisins.
Matilda: But I don't want raisins.
Bea: Too bad. You already chose raisins.

[Back to playing for a few minutes.]

Matilda: I have raisins and candy.
Bea: You can only have raisins.

And on and on. Did I mention that these were PRETEND snacks? The best part, though, is that neither one of them got upset. It was a really rational discussion . . . if you can have a rational discussion about snacks that don't exist.

Boo-Boo, of course, charmed the socks off of everyone. I got to go the head of the line for coffee at the airport and get extra snacks on the plane. Of course, I also had to pause a million times for everyone to exclaim over her eyes, her little curl of hair, and, apparently, her remarkable resemblance to a doll. Clearly those people didn't see her pole dancing.

Even the guy across the aisle on our return flight, who was burly, covered in tattoos, and sporting a shirt that said "F*ck Scottsdale" was making googly eyes and baby-talking to her. And then, she did the best thing a baby can do on an airplane, and fell asleep in my arms.

The Crazy and the Crazy-Good

2011-06-30T20:50:00.000-04:00

These summer days are full. Full of groggy morning coffee on the front porch; of buckling kids into car seats and pulling them back out again; of trading off work time and negotiating schedules; of sending Matilda off to an afternoon of camp and hearing all about it; of marveling at Etta's good nature as she gamely rides along on my hip.

These summer days are good ones, but sometimes slightly frantic. In the midst of all the bustle, there are things that I want to slow down, make still, grab tightly.

Like the way that Etta smiles and sighs - totally blissed out - when I kiss her soft cheeks and belly.

Or the way that Matilda most often calls Etta "Boo-Boo" but she pronounces it more like "Bew-Bew."

When Matilda slips her hand into mine. It's often sticky or hot or pulling on me, but then I remember: she still wants to hold my hand. How much longer do I have that?

When I go in to Etta in the night, she is sometimes so excited to see me. She pants, wiggles, bobs her head around, and crows. It might even be worth being awake.

Visitors

2011-06-28T11:35:00.000-04:00

Summer is the time for visitors. We are loving our backyard, our long outdoor table, and radishes from the garden with butter and salt on Steve's homemade bread. Summer is delicious, isn't it?

Our friend Bronwen visited from Philadelphia. Do you think Matilda was excited to have her here?

Bapa also visited. We were sad that he broke his wrist, but not-so-secretly happy that it also caused a break in his busy schedule so he could come see us.

Etta agrees that visitors are fun. But she wants in on the action. She's been gobbling up every food we offer - beets, swiss chard, carrots, spinach, and more. And, as you can see here, she's also making her move on the wine:

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T08:25:00.000-04:00

Matilda and Etta are so lucky to have a daddy who is goofy, sweet, and smart. He plays with them, talks to them, sings with them, and makes them laugh. We are three lucky girls to share our home with this guy, don't you think?

Happy Father's Day to Steve, Poppy, Bapa, and all the daddies and grandpas out there. xoxox

Tub for Two

2011-06-17T20:25:00.000-04:00

First Etta got to soak in the backyard . . .

. . . then Matilda wanted to give it a try.

Reunited

2011-06-15T20:22:00.000-04:00

When we lived in Philly, we had several great families within walking distance. They each had a similar-aged kid and were like-minded, and we had lots of great brunches and dinners together, afternoons (and early mornings) at the park, and even sometimes got together without the kids. Some of the families are still in Philadelphia, while others have moved on. We were lucky enough to reunite with two of those families, one coming from Philly, the other from Ohio.

You may remember Matilda's kindred spirit, Ivy. They even both like green smoothies.

We made good use of our new table (thanks, Nana and Poppy!) and ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner outside all weekend long. We held each other's kids and introduced the second generation (Ivy, Farrah, and Matilda each have a younger sibling now.)

What better time for Etta to have her first meal? She'd been grabbing our food for a while, and so I decided - sort of on a whim, I admit - that she could have some avocado. But what better introduction to food than at a long table filled with friends and the last rays of sun, while the kids and grown-ups all laugh and eat together?

She loved it. So did we.

Something a Little Different

2011-06-13T12:31:00.000-04:00

We're one of ten finalists to win a make-over for our front porch (or, as I like to think of it, a front porch-over) on the design blog Making It Lovely. In order to win, we need votes! If you could go to the website, scroll down, and click "Megan" it would help (and I promise to serve you delicious beverages on our swanky new porch in return). If you're a Facebook-er, please post the link! We have stiff competition.

To vote, click here. Thanks!

Boo-Boo Around the House

2011-05-29T22:42:00.000-04:00

Out little Etta-bean gets carted around a lot - it's the sad fate of the second child always to be tagging along. She's in the stroller at the playground, the sling at the museum, and on my hip at the library.

Or maybe it's her good fortune? After all, she doesn't seem terribly sad. In fact, she may be the happiest little thing that's ever perched next to the mixer . . .

. . . and she's definitely among the cutest laundry that ever ended up in our basket . . .

. . . though she does seem a little perplexed about how she ended up in the basement. Maybe she thinks she's supposed to know how to use the table saw?

Matilda's Fifth Birthday Party

2011-05-24T21:35:00.000-04:00

We had Matilda's Charlotte's Web-themed birthday party this past weekend. Matilda was Fern, Steve was Wilbur, I was Fern's mother, and Etta was a farmer-spider. You may not necessarily discern that from the picture below, but that was Matilda's story, and she was sticking to it.

We enjoyed our county fair, complete with bobbing for apples, hot dogs, and popcorn.

And, of course, a barn birthday cake with Charlotte, Wilbur, and duck cupcakes.

The highlight of the games was this three-legged race. It still makes me giggle.

Some of our favorite families lingered afterwards, and we sat in the sunny backyard, drank beer, and let the kids play with water, polish off the food, and generally run themselves ragged. Matilda keeps saying, "I had the best birthday party," and I agree.

Nana meets Etta

2011-05-24T11:22:00.000-04:00

Vive le Vertical!

2011-05-20T19:31:00.000-04:00

Just like her sister before her, Etta is a big proponent of the vertical plane. The horizontal? Eh, that's for babies.

Here's a similar picture of Matilda, the same age almost down to the day - just shy of four months.

Happy Fifth Birthday, Matilda!

2011-05-19T13:47:00.000-04:00

Dear Matilda,

This year something momentous happened: you became a big sister. Etta’s entrance into our lives has changed everything. You are no longer the only child but one of two. I’ve watched you grow both more independent and more aware of your place as one of two children – sometimes reluctantly, sometimes vibrantly. You’ve been catapulted into a role of caretaking, with more responsibility for yourself and for Etta. As an older sister myself, I know what a gift and what a burden this can be. So, for this birthday letter, I want to remind you of all the ways that you are special to me, what makes you inimitably you and creates your own place in our family.

Your imagination is wide and deep, and you love to roam it. I don’t think you’ve even explored all its corners and crannies, and I’m excited to see what else is in there, waiting to be created and discovered. It comes out in songs, stories, role-playing, and your attitude toward everyday life. I recognize in you my own propensity to think of life unfolding as a narrative, to imagine what these experiences would look like as part of a story and create alternative characters and endings. I hope, though, that you can also experience moments as they happen, not only through the medium of story-telling. This has sometimes been difficult for me, but mothering has actually given me a way to experience life moment by moment. Together we live right now, whether that’s a now of disappointment or sky’s-the-limit excitement.

You’re a bookworm who loves being with other people. Your favorite thing right now is to a coffee shop and have one of us read to you. Laura, Clementine, the American Girls, the All-of-a-Kind Family, Jack and Annie, Betsy, Tacy, and others populate your imaginary world right now. But while we’re there, you also want to say hi to every other kid there (and some of the adults, too). Reading doesn’t cut you off from the world; it gives you a way to understand the world and make it more interesting.

You desire so much from life. The force of your desires has sometimes made you unhappy, but discontent is the greatest spur for action, and I know you will be able to do great things. I’m so curious to see where you direct that desire and what you want from your life. Right now you’re exploring religion, marriage, complicated friendships, and questions of equality. I love following where you lead with your questions.

You love to make things. I do, too, and I hope we have a whole life ahead of us of making signs, mazes, graphs, sculptures, dolls, cookies, and games, working together or side-by-side.

Your laugh fills me up with effervescent joy. In your birthday letter last year, I wrote that we’d started to have family jokes, and those have only become better. You’re a goosey goose and giggling with you is one of my greatest pleasures.

You are the baby who made me a mother. Your birth will forever mark a divide between my old life, the one where I cared primarily for myself, and this life, in which I will always be thinking of you. It was a big shift to make, but I am so glad that we made that leap into the richness of loving you.

I hope this captures a sense of who you are right now, at five, and also who you are within our little family. I know that this will change – it is already changing. But part of being a mother, I think, is reminding you of the textured and idiosyncratic selves you have inhabited along the way.

I love you, my willful, long-legged and long-lashed, bright and curious five-year-old.

Love,

Mama

First We Graphed the Fruit, then We Ate It

2011-05-16T11:07:00.000-04:00

(Just to keep it real: things aren't always quite so intellectually stimulating or so healthy around here. Today, for instance, we're making cake pops to take in to school for Matilda's birthday. There will be no graph to record our cream cheese frosting consumption.)

First Really Warm Day of Spring

2011-05-13T12:38:00.000-04:00

New bathing suits had just arrived in the mail (thanks, Nana!) . . .

. . . the warm-weather toys came out of hiding . . .

. . . and even Etta got in on the fun from her perch in the shade.

Oldies but Cuties

2011-05-09T20:13:00.000-04:00

When I went to St. Louis, our friend kindly watched Etta while Steve worked (and Matilda was in school). And he managed to capture smilier pictures in one day than I've managed in several months. So, now these are a month out of date, but since it just occurred to me that I could download them from Facebook (duh), I thought I should share them.

On the topic of smiles: Steve and I were just saying that Etta's and Matilda's baby smiles are really different from each other. As a baby, Matilda had almost a secret smile, a small, cooked grin that you had to work for, but it would melt me every time.

Here she is at about four months:

Etta, though has a whole-body smile - it's no secret. She grins a huge, gummy grin and her feet shoot up and out with the force of it. Sometimes her whole body rolls with glee, and I can't help but respond with my own gleeful grin. I'll have to get it on video, I think, because it's not for sitting still!

Happy Mother's Day, Interview Edition

2011-05-07T11:55:00.000-04:00

More Comic Bedtime Woes

2011-05-04T09:15:00.000-04:00

Matilda called me upstairs about three seconds after I tucked her in, supposedly having had a bad dream. I asked her what it was about, and she started telling me that one of the characters in the latest Boxcar Children mystery was "really scary, when you think about it, which I've been doing."

Then she flipped over on her stomach, let out a big sigh and commanded, "Scratch my back, Mama, while I tell you my problems."

***

Not related to bedtime, but comic, nonetheless:

Matilda: I wish I was rich.
Me: Blah blah there are more important things than money blah blah I'd rather have good friends blah blah.
[Pause.]
Me: You know what makes me feel rich? YOU!
[We hug and everyone has warm fuzzies. I may feel a bit smug about turning this discussion away from crass materialism.]
Matilda: You know what makes me feel rich? A lot of money!

Second Verse, Same as the First

2011-05-02T20:53:00.000-04:00

I can only conclude that there is something genetic at work here. Maybe something that happens when one of my X chromosomes meets one of Steve's, a little genetic implosion. Or maybe it's just one of us that's to blame; it could certainly be that my DNA has some kind of gap, a little tiny hitch in this one important department.

Or maybe it's karma? In that case, it's definitely my fault, as the stories of Steve as a baby include descriptors like "angelic," "easy," and "perfect," which no one has ever said about me.

Either way, it can no longer be denied: Etta is not sleeping.

Now, I recognize that she's only three months old, and I'm certainly not predicting a multi-year sleep saga the likes of which we experienced the first time around. But, even for a three-month-old, she's not sleeping. It's not that it's particularly hard to get her to sleep - it's the staying asleep that has us stumped. She'll nod off blissfully and then 5, 10, maybe 60 minutes later, she's back up again. All. Night. Long. I've started dreaming of a little crane that could lift me out of my bed and deposit me next to hers, so often have I traveled the little path of carpet between our two beds.
I relate this tale of woe not for advice or even for sympathy but just because everyone seemed to be curious whether or not we could get two non-sleepers. So far the results seems to suggest a resounding YES. The data in this particular experiment are limited however, as no further specimens will follow.

It's a good thing this one is pretty cute, even at 2 a.m. And 2:10. And 2:30. And 3:30 . . .

Trip to Minneapolis

2011-04-27T11:07:00.000-04:00

Despite less-than-stellar weather, we had a fun spring break trip to Minneapolis. It definitely wasn't Daytona Beach, but we enjoyed hanging out by the fireplace, visiting friends, and celebrating Easter (which Matilda somehow managed to finesse into an early birthday celebration, too).

Here Etta enjoys a sink bath in Gramsie's bathroom. I'd hate to embarrass her, so I'll just say that this may or may not have been after an epic diaper blow-out.

Gramsie and all her descendants (except, of course, her grand-dog Mika).

Boo-Boo and her Mobile

2011-04-18T13:43:00.000-04:00

Etta (aka Etta-bean, Beany-Boo, or just plain Boo-Boo) loves her mobile. I'll admit that this wasn't really my primary goal when I made it - I just wanted something simple, natural, and decorative, which isn't exactly compatible with the blinking, flashing, and noisy toys we expect babies to love. Luckily,it's become our Bean's favorite thing to look at.

It makes her smile:

It makes her focus intently:

And it makes her talk, crow, and eventually, get really pissed off - a whole world of emotion! Pretty good for some felted wool, thread, and a stick.

Guest Post Dictated by Matilda

2011-04-17T08:47:00.000-04:00

Matilda finger-painted with pudding, an activity that I still remember loving when I was in preschool. After she smeared chocolate everywhere, she dictated this post.

I eat potato pudding. And I love it, and I love trash.

My baby sister is doing well.

I love you in my heart.

A story:
Once upon a time, there was a witch in the forest. And there were a sister and a brother. They got lost in the forest; they were to chop down wood. And when they were done chopping wood, they were hungry one day. So they walked and walked and walked and walked and walked until they were at a house. And they started munching and munching and munching. So the old witch said, "Hi! I'm your mother." But she was a witch.
And so she said, "And here's your piece of candy for today, children. Now go in the house. You'll get freezing cold out here."
And so they went into house, and there was lots of jewelry. They stepped on some, and the old witch said, "No, dears, don't step on Mother's pretty necklace. Don't you see?"

Then she sang a song.
He sticks out a bone, and he never knows how to groan.
The witch must eat all her servants . . .

They tried to run out, but the doors were all locked. The witch knew that they might run away. But the boy opened the window after they made their beds, and they jumped out. The witch did not see. When they were out into the world, they ran and ran and ran until they were at home.

The witch shoved the next servants into the window, and they were Hansel and Gretel! They were her servants forever, but they helped other servants escape.

SuperDaddy

2011-04-13T13:11:00.000-04:00

When I submitted a proposal for a conference scheduled two-and-a-half months after my due date, I figured that I'd have to bring the baby with me. The baby came, I made plane reservations, and I still included the baby. I hunted down some babysitting and looked at the schedule, mentally crossing off the things that I wouldn't be able to attend. All along, Steve assured me that he could handle both girls alone for the long weekend. What a guy, right?

But at first I couldn't imagine leaving the baby. Then it just seemed like I had gotten too far in my planning to change my mind. But three days before I was scheduled to leave, I decided to take Steve up on his offer. It was just silly, I thought, to go all that way to half-heartedly attend the conference with the baby in tow. (The thought of three - three! - night of uninterrupted sleep may have had something to do with it, too.)

So, I headed off to St. Louis last weekend and Steve hung out with the girls. I came home to find a cheerful husband, happy kids, and a new bond between Etta and Steve, possibly forged during those many nighttime bottles. And though the freedom was oh so sweet, these two are even sweeter.

Happier Tummy Time

2011-04-12T16:32:00.001-04:00

Two Month Tummy Time

2011-04-07T10:05:00.000-04:00

If you're two months, and you're our daughter, apparently you have to do tummy time on the Boppy while looking very worried.

(Etta, circa 2011)

(Matilda, circa 2006)

Big Sister, Little Sister

2011-04-04T12:24:00.000-04:00

(Wearing their matching shirts, at Matilda's suggestion.)

Matilda, at bedtime: Mama, I love you to the moon and back and all around the earth and to all the parks in Pittsburgh.

Me: I love you that much, too.

Matilda: And I love Daddy the same.

Me: I know.

Matilda: But I only love Etta to the bakery and back.

Me: That's probably more than last week, though, don't you think?

Matilda: Yeah, last week I only loved her one step. [pause.]

But when she's grown up, I'll love her to the moon and back and all around the earth and to Africa and to all the parks in Pittsburgh.

Stella Pixie Hat

2011-03-31T09:36:00.000-04:00

I made this little hat for my winter baby - I even knit a few rows in early labor and almost finished it in the hospital. Alas, it's still a little too big, and I fear it will be too small by next winter. So, what's a mama to do? Blog about it, of course!

(For the knitters who read this blog, the pattern us available for free here. I made an i-cord instead of the button closure so that it would tie snugly. If it actually fit her head, that is.)

From Matilda's Perspective

2011-03-29T14:34:00.000-04:00

Matilda has become interested in taking pictures lately. Here's the view from the landing when you're a four-and-a-half-year-old holding a camera (and that half is very important these days!):

And, of course, a portrait of the artist:

Etta's Crazy Hair

2011-03-26T15:56:00.001-04:00

(Thanks, A., for the cute ladybug outfit!)

Family of four!

2011-03-24T20:43:00.000-04:00

Maybe because we were a family of three for so long, it still surprises and delights me to find that we are four now.

Sisters

2011-03-20T16:07:00.000-04:00

Remember this?

That level of sisterly excitement of pride was . . . brief, to put it mildly. As in, waning soon after the flash went off and gone by the time we got the baby home. Then we entered Real Life, where Matilda oscillated between disinterest and dislike in the baby. And when I say disinterest, I mean almost complete stonewalling.

And, really, who could blame her? After almost five years of supremacy, she was ousted by an eight pounder who didn't do much more than sleep, eat, and poop. It's an age-old story, so I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say that sibling rivalry has had its day in the Van Tuyl Ward household.

But.

Recently we've had a few moments that give me hope. Moments when, almost without realizing it herself, Matilda interacts with her little sister. Some might even call is playing. Moments where she rocks Etta's swing, talks to her, even sings her a song. Is patient when Etta cries. Assembles an outfit for Etta worthy of her big sister's style. Touchs her gently when last week it might have been rough.

These moments are still brief, but they make me hopeful.

I want to remember, though, the harder moments. Because relationships are never all one thing, and as my girls get bigger, I know they'll go through lots of different ways of relating to each other. To know that their earliest days were mediocre doesn't make their relationship doomed. Love at first sight is heady, but to love your sister after nine weeks of hard adjustment may be even sweeter.

Everyone Has a Seat at the Table

2011-03-15T21:02:00.000-04:00

Etta's now sitting up with us at the table . . .

. . . with a little help from her Bumbo seat!

(Note: feet in this photo may appear larger than they really are.)

Etta Coos and Smiles

2011-03-09T20:48:00.000-05:00

Unseasonable

2011-02-28T11:40:00.000-05:00

We had some incredibly mild weather yesterday and spent the afternoon with friends in the park. What a great antidote to February.

In case you're wondering what we do for fun around here . . .

2011-02-24T10:05:00.000-05:00

Etta's One Monthday!

2011-02-20T14:50:00.000-05:00

Etta turns one month old today. I tried taking some pictures of her to celebrate. Here are the pictures I took when Matilda turned one month. As you can see, my questionable photography skills have remained constant. I'm curious if you think they look alike - Etta definitely has more chins and more hair!

Aaaand, cue nap time:

Daddy, Etta, Tilda, Snowman

2011-02-13T16:01:00.000-05:00

These are from a couple of weeks ago, which isn't very long in normal life, but in newborn-life, it seems like forever. Etta is noticeably bigger - we need to get more pictures of her delicious, chubby cheeks! And, of course her crazy hair, which never fails to delight.

Usually, though, I'm the one parked on the couch with the baby, nursing. Meanwhile, Tilda and Steve have been having some outdoor adventures. One day they made a snowman one day after school . . .

. . . which then caught the attention of some kids walking home from school!

Gramsie's Visit

2011-02-10T20:57:00.000-05:00

Gramsie visited for a week after Etta was born. She was so helpful, and Matilda especially loved having her here. Here she is, showing off her two granddaughters and her new favorite sports team.

Seeing a picture of us as a family of four is still sort of surprising to me - but really nice. Of course, if Matilda had her way, her stuffed sweet pea would make #5 and her stuffed flu bug would make #6. Why yes, she does have a stuffed virus. Don't you?

Official Retraction

2011-02-07T18:41:00.000-05:00

My hubris in the last post very quickly bit me - I must have really angered the car seat gods. Etta has not only started screaming in the car seat, but we even had some tandem 4-year and two-week wailing from the back seat (which should be, as GEB noted in the comments, one of the circles of hell).

So: I claim Etta likes nothing. Nothing! Hopefully now we won't be punished any more . . .

Unrelatedly, Tilda feeds Etta a bottle (which she promptly spit right back up):

Don't be fooled though. Matilda isn't as sweet and solicitous of her little sister as this picture implies. She usually ignores her, which is good enough for now. But when she does take notice of her, it's usually to comment negatively, as when she said disgustedly, "She smells like dirty old soap!"

First Bath . . . and Another First

2011-02-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

A list of things that Etta likes that no previous baby in this house definitely did not like (not that I'm naming any names): the swing, the car seat, and the bath!

. . . and something that Matilda and Etta share, a touching VTW trait that they can reminisce about fondly: spitting up. Matilda was a champion through-the-nose, projectile, no-holds-barred spitter. I'm not sure if Etta will live up to her sister's legacy, but she has already caused us to get out the mop more than once:

The Princess and the Bean

2011-01-30T13:53:00.000-05:00

(The Etta-bean, of course. The princess is probably obvious.)

But where will the baby sleep?

2011-01-26T17:49:00.000-05:00

This is a purely rhetorical question, since Etta has yet to last more than a few minutes in her crib. But here's the nursery we scrambled to finish. I finished the mobile and hung it the morning I went into labor. We still need some kind of decoration on the wall by the changing table . . . suggestions?

Bapa, Matilda, Etta

2011-01-25T15:32:00.000-05:00

Introducing . . .

2011-01-22T14:26:00.000-05:00

Harriet Van Tuyl Ward, otherwise known as Etta!

She entered the world, screaming lustily, at 3.46 a.m. on Thursday, 1/20/2011.

Matilda was so excited to meet her! She exclaimed, "Look! She has blond hair, and blue eyes, and white skin, just like us!"

Etta was born via an amazing unmedicated VBAC, and we both felt great and ready to leave the hospital by the next day.

The all-important first family self-portrait:

Leaving the hospital, a family of four! (On our way to get bagels, of course; lunch waits for no miraculous life events.)

Hoarders?

2011-01-17T17:10:00.000-05:00

Matilda may have inherited my terrible inability to throw anything away. She saves all sorts of scraps and debris, squirreling them away for art projects, for sentimental reasons, and for reasons that are unfathomable to anyone who's not four.

Recently we sold her dresser on Craigslist and got her a new-to-us one. She kind of freaked out but was appeased by having her pictures taken by the old dresser. She also really wanted to have her picture taken with our old toilet before it went, but we narrowly avoided that one.

Bathroom Renovation, or, Finished Just in Time

2011-01-13T20:07:00.000-05:00

Well, we're moments (hopefully) away from this baby showing up. Megan has officially issued an eviction notice and we expect the noodlehead off the premises (out of?) ASAP.

Luckily for us, we've finished renovating the bathroom. Here is a sample of what we had before:

And what we're enjoying now (all done except for switchplates):

S, M, and M towel hooks. Guess we'll have to buy a new letter soon. But what will it be . . .?

Political

2011-01-13T11:27:00.000-05:00

Matilda wrote her first letter to an elected official. It's to Barack Obama, and here's what it says:

Dear President Obama,
Please could you bring your daughters to my house?
Matilda, age 4 1/2

As she was toiling away on it, Matilda paused and said, "If the president makes the rules for our country, did he make up uppercase and lowercase letters?" These, along with cursive, have been on Matilda's mind a lot. I told her that I thought the president probably had other things to worry about, which led to a little discussion of foreign relations, negotiation, and using one's words. All things we had just been discussing while reading The Hobbit, probably not coincidentally. I figure the rules for preschool really aren't all that different from what (I think) the rules should be for foreign relations, in real or fantasy lands.

We've got a missing camera cord and nothin' but time while we wait for this baby, so I'll ramble on a bit. Today's the due date, but I think the baby is laughing at that inside. This morning my phone rang very early, and Steve joked that it's the baby calling: "Hi Mom, just calling to say I'm going to be a little late."

In other news, Matilda's been trying out analogies, and they delight me. Analogies are a pretty abstract use of language - using one, known thing to explain another thing that is unknown. So, not surprisingly, they haven't come out quite right on the first tries. Here are some recent analogies that had to be shared:

clean as a wink
dry as a mouse
hot as a jerk

I hope she continues to practice for a while before she gets it quite right because I love hearing these.

Christmas Morning and Beyond

2011-01-07T12:57:00.000-05:00

Matilda upon seeing her presents on Christmas morning: "Santa likes me!"

Another moment I don't want to forget: Matilda got a Pillow Pet for Christmas. She had been wanting it for months, so I got it like a good mom should, even though the feel of its oily fur is enough to send shivers down my spine. But I digress. The Pillow Pet can be flat (pillow) or you can belt it into an animal shape (pet). When Matilda introduced the Pillow Pet to her other stuffed animals, she said to him, "Don't worry, old fellow. Just look your best. Be a pet, not a pillow." Then she belted him into shape. Steve and I almost died.

Christmas is officially way more fun with a four-year-old around. And we got bonus points for a visit from Gramsie and Baby Andrew, to boot.

Now it's on to anticipating a new bay while frantically trying to finish up our house projects. My due date's in six days, but who's counting? Envision a nine-months-pregnant woman with her belly sticking out of paint-covered pajamas scrambling up and down a ladder and you have a sadly accurate vision of me these days. It's a sight to behold - but, alas, not one that will be recorded on this blog!

Happy Solstice!

2010-12-21T20:29:00.000-05:00

We celebrated the longest night of the year tonight with candles, hot cider, and a (failed) attempt at making a hot air balloon. I also knitted Matilda some bunny slippers, and they alone are making my holiday merry and bright.

We've been getting ready for Christmas by making cookies, of course. I let Matilda have at the powdered sugar, and she rolled most of the Mexican wedding cakes. She also got powdered sugar all over the floor, the counter, the cabinets and herself, but that's part of the fun, right?

Here's to more and more light!

A Work in Progress

2010-12-18T20:24:00.000-05:00

The only thing uglier than our pink-and-blue bathroom? The pink-and-blue bathroom in the process of demolition:

Steve bravely took a sledgehammer to it, only to find 3 inches of concrete behind all those floor-to-ceiling tiled walls.

It's a dirty job, but at least there's beer at the end of the day.

And construction masks are fun to wear . . . not to mention that construction means Mama and Tilda go on lots of adventures together. We've been out and about town but we also ventured to Philly for the weekend and to Appleton for Thanksgiving. Poor Steve has been working like crazy and my dad graciously came up to lend a hand, too.

Hopefully we'll have some "after" pictures eventually, though that day seems far off. In the meantime, we have some . . . peripatetic bathing habits. Steve rigged up a shower in the basement, I've been using the rec center at work, and Matilda goes back and forth between friends' tubs and the trusty kitchen sink. Does this make you want to visit or what?

34 Weeks

2010-12-14T13:34:00.000-05:00

And looking rather round, no? Matilda is holding a lantern (aka gold Christmas tree ornament) to light our way through the cave, of course.

Note our lovely construction decor: hardibacker, drywall compound, paint, etc. This was actually taken a week ago, and progress is being made to use up all these supplies in our new, improved bathroom. But more exciting posts on that topic coming soon!

Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

2010-12-13T12:09:00.000-05:00

Matilda: When the Noodlehead gets bigger and we're sharin' a room, we'll still be awake when Santa comes. And then I'll say, "Noo- [pause]" and I'll say her name. I'll say her nickname or I'll say her usual name. And then I'll tell her "Ssshhhh!" and we'll pretend to be asleep, so that Santa won't know that we're awake or else he won't leave us any presents. And then I'll say her nickname or her usual name, and then we'll sing a jolly song.

I'm not sure which is better: "jolly song" or "usual name." They're both pretty stinkin' cute. Votes?

Not to mention this whole scenario where the sisters share a room and stay up on Christmas Eve . . .

Direct Your Reference Questions Here

2010-12-10T20:07:00.000-05:00

Steve had his official library school graduation tonight! Don't they all look smart? And like they're dying to shush you?

I had a terrible time taking pictures in this room and this is the only one I have of the actual diploma-getting!

~~Bribed~~ Promised cake at the end, Matilda was really chill during the ceremony. She tried to keep up the academic standard by doing her math workbook. We're both so proud!

Very Belated Halloween

2010-12-01T14:23:00.000-05:00

That right: on the first of December, I bring you this photo from October. I had really hoped to post pictures of our whole Wizard of Oz - Star Wars mashup family costumes. Alas, those photos are languishing on the camera amidst approximately 10 billion blurred pictures of floors and counters that Matilda took (and need to be deleted before I upload anything). So, I bring you just one photo of Princess Leia-Dorothy, which luckily my mom sent me:

I'm not sure if the curtsy is in character or just an added touch, but it's pretty sweet, don't you think?

The Noodlehead

2010-11-11T20:05:00.000-05:00

In response to reader request, here's a 29-week belly shot (two weeks ago). Time for the Noodlehead to get a little attention! So far, this pregnancy has been different in every way from my pregnancy with Matilda - luckily. For the most part, I've only had normal first trimester sickness instead of the previous nine-month puke-o-rama plus hypoglycemia.

But other things have been different, too. I slept all the time when I was pregnant with Matilda and I was also much more mellow than usual. While I've had my sleepy moments, this pregnancy has left me with more energy - but also a little bit of anxiety and insomnia. Of course, we also know what we're getting ourselves into this time, so maybe that contributes to the anxiety . . .

Tilda is very excited to be a big sister but also periodically apprehensive. She's old enough to verbalize fears like "you aren't going to love me anymore" and "I'll want you to pick me up but you'll be busy with the baby." (As well as just throw full-on meltdowns when I hold other babies.) She asks to pretend that the baby's being born / we're in the hospital / we've just brought her home a lot. And she's also very loving with her little sister already - she sings her songs and gives her kisses in my belly. If this is how things continue, I think we'll count ourselves fairly lucky.

Mostly we're just excited for this last member of our family to get here, so we can get started on our life as a family of four.

Do the Car Wash!

2010-11-06T13:06:00.000-04:00

Pumpkins - and More Apples, Too

2010-10-25T11:41:00.000-04:00

Tilda and I went apple picking again, this time with our friend ~~Baby~~ Toddler Abby and her parents (name change made at Matilda's insistence). I was reminded of how exhausting that stage is when they're big enough to get around (quickly) but not big enough to know not to eat rotten apples or pitch themselves into ditches. More mobility than sense, that stage. This is all part of my Ode to Having a Four Year Old, which I feel like I post about every time, but, really, I ask you: how could I not be loving this:

Matilda even gamboled out to the ol' pumpkin patch to pose of her own accord:

Let's just compare, shall we? Those cheeks were awfully cute, but the perpetually-grumpy expression left something to be desired.

Of course, in those days, Matilda just laid there while I dressed her, while assembling this little number did almost derail our outing. Still, once we made it there, we were both pretty chipper, snacks could be found on the trees, and nobody needed a diaper change or a nap (except me. The nap, that is). I couldn't help imagining forward to next fall's trip to the apple orchard. One version involves a baby who screams in the car and wants to nurse for the whole outing. This is really the only version I know intimately. But I also imagine another version, with a baby who hangs out in the Ergo while we pick apples, who looks around and coos at the sun and wind and the waving apple branches, and who sleeps all the way home. Everyone's fingers are crossed for that - I'd even give up my cider doughnut.

Apple Picking

2010-10-16T16:16:00.000-04:00

Tilda and I went apple-picking while Steve was stuck inside working one weekend. It was so fun we went back this weekend. And we also needed more apples - despite picking 1.5 pecks the first time, we just ate them all and didn't turn any into sauce. This time I went for the 1/2 bushel (picture as many apples as one pregnant woman can carry). I'm picturing neat jars of applesauce lined up for the winter . . . but that image is vying with apple compote, apple pie, and apple crisp, which are all strong competitors.

All the Grandmas in the House

2010-10-09T16:46:00.000-04:00

First of all, allow me to clarify. Matilda doesn't actually have any grandmas. She has a Gramsie and a Nana. A Grammie if we go up to the next generation. And an I-dana (Diana), if we want to go non-biological.

Anyway, we were lucky enough to have visits from both Nana and Gramsie in September. Nana swooped in and saved the day at the last minute when it turned out that Matilda's school started five days after Steve's and my classes started. We had cobbled together a ridiculous plan that consisted of driving back and forth between our respective campuses, teaching/taking classes while the other one watched Matilda and frantically tried to prep for the next class. (I'm stressed out just thinking of this plan - what were we thinking?) Luckily, Nana saved us from this insanity.

Matilda and Nana played a lot, but the most enduring legacy from her visit is the American Girl doll, Kirsten, whom she left behind (along with Kirsten's beautiful and extensive wardrobe). Kirsten even has her own tea set, which it turns out she's happy to share with Matilda.

Then, just a week later, we got a visit from Gramsie! She also allowed Steve and me to fit in some much-needed work time and much-appreciated date time. Is this why people try not to move so far away from their families? We can't believe how much easier - and better - life is with grandmas (or Nanas or Gramsies) around! Please come back soon - we all miss you both.

Matildaform

2010-10-02T15:19:00.000-04:00

Matilda's new school has a uniform, and I was curious to see how that work play out in our house, because getting dressed for school has, until now, had a bit of a performance art feel. It would not be unusual for Matilda to wear her Steeler's jersey over a puffy dress, with striped socks, red shoes, and a tiara. Or to decide that she was going to wear, say, a bandanna every day for a few weeks. Or a sash. Or both.

We went along with it because it seemed harmless and a fun way to encourage her creativity. Not to mention that I very early gave up on any kind of control over her clothes. I figured it was a battle I'd lose somewhere along the way - I just lost it at about 18 months instead of a bit later.

Anyway - back to the uniform. Matilda was really excited about the uniform, and Gramsie and Nana generously helped us stock her uniform drawer. And it was great, for about a week or two. And then, uniform fatigue set in, and the large stock of dress-up clothes started to assert their allure. Luckily, the uniform code is pretty loose: shoes, socks, and accessories are all up for grabs. So now Matilda wears what she calls her "Matildaform," or, the uniform, transformed by Matilda. It makes her dance with joy. Now, if only she felt this happy about dropoff.

Trip Down Memory Lane, Courtesy of a Phone

2010-10-01T10:27:00.000-04:00

My mom recently sent me this old picture from her phone. It's Matilda, about 20 months, standing in the windowsill of a Philadelphia hotel. Tilda and my mom were dropping Steve and me off for a night to ourselves. I still remember how cute she was, running back and forth along the windowsill, sticking out her belly and laughing. I don't remember, though, if the impending night off made it more delightful or a little bit bittersweet. Probably both.

Coincidentally, this is strangely similar to what I look like now, both in belly size and pose!

Anastasia!

2010-09-21T15:50:00.000-04:00

Steve sent this to me at work recently; it's a song Matilda was singing. Don't you wish there was a video? I do.

ANASTASIA! Against the world

she's a big sister to everybody.

ANASTASIA! ANASTASIA!

ANASTASIA ALRIGHT!

ANASTASIA! a big girl

she can dance the world

when you see her, ANASTASIA,

you'll cry all night.

ANASTASIA oh ANASTASIA

Anastasia is through.

Public Transportation

2010-09-16T13:12:00.001-04:00

Overheard as I was riding the bus home yesterday:

Woman One to Woman Two: If I weren't pregnant, I'd give her my seat. [gesturing to me.]

Woman Two: Oh yeah, you should always give your seat up to pregnant women. It's hard being pregnant! Pregnant women shouldn't have to stand on the bus!

Woman One: So why don't you give her your seat?

Woman Two: Oh, my back hurts.

Slurp

2010-09-11T22:28:00.000-04:00

Matilda's new Facebook profile pic:

We went out to dinner last night at a noodle restaurant. I think that if I could have predicted what I was hoping for when I had a four-year-old, it would be last night.

Not that anything terribly exciting happened, or that it was a perfect meal. Matilda still got antsy at the end; I still went outside with her while Steve paid the check.

It's just that it was so simple, and yet none of it felt ordinary. Maybe because we rarely go out to eat, just the three of us. But I think it's also that it felt like an adventure to Matilda, so it felt like an adventure to me, too.

First, when we walked in, Matilda in the middle, holding our hands, she commented, "This is fancy indeed!" (Which is doubly hilarious when you realize that it was about as fancy as a Chipotle or a Panerra. Maybe less.)

She she ate her wonton soup with gusto (and spilling and burned fingers) and clamored for bites from ours. The only thing she complained about was that Steve's noodles were so delicious and yet so spicy that she wanted to eat more and couldn't. It reminded me of when she was about a year old, eating pumpkin-black bean soup and vigorously signing more while screaming in pain.

And then there's the part where she proclaimed her shrimp-pork wontons, "the most delicious thing I ever ate!" (Note: for $1.45, wonton soup may be the best kid's meal ever.)

So, really, nothing special. But also something that should be recorded because otherwise I would too easily forget. And this is just the kind of slim shard of easy happiness that I want to have for keeps.

Sniff, Sniff

2010-09-03T21:28:00.000-04:00

Matilda started public Pre-K! We have an excellent arts magnet school near our house that we're hoping she'll attend for K-5, and we got a spot (through a lottery) in their Pre-K program. We've been so happy with Point Park Children's School (her preschool), but they're closing, so we decided that she would start at Dilworth.

Matilda has been really excited to start Pre-K; she can tell it's a step up to go to the big kids' school. She'll wear a uniform (navy bottoms and dresses; white tops) and go to assembly every morning, where she'll hear the Dilworth world drummers, the awesome drum group she can't wait to be old enough to join.

This morning Steve and I dropped her off at the before-school playgroup. They take the kids to the assembly, then walk them to their classes. It felt like such a big step, leaving my little girl with all these big kids. And Matilda was definitely nervous. But she told me that she wasn't going to transition from my arms into a teacher's (how we've handled drop-offs til now). Instead, she bit her lip and bravely, nervously went up to another four-year-old girl and asked, "Nia, would you hold my hand?" Steve and I watched as the two little girls walked together in a line of kids, from the playground through the doors of the school, up the steps to the assembly.

I am so proud of her today and so excited for who she will become. But oh, when we saw those big kids, I reached down and swept her up, resting her on the bump of her baby sister. I wanted her to wrap her arms and legs around me and never let go. But I set her down, and she tried to jump rope for the first time, and she asked a little girl to hold her hand.

Then we walked out through the school, bumping shoulders with kids who seem so old, but whom I know are just Matildas in disguise, their parents' babies with a shell of bigger clothes and different words. Soon she'll be one of them; I can almost see it now.

She will grow up; it will hurt, and it will be beautiful.

Times Two

2010-08-17T19:27:00.000-04:00

(Sleepy porch napping girl. Unrelated, just cute.)

The noodlehead either proved herself more cooperative than her sister or (my vote) the ultrasound tech proved herself more determined than her predecessor: we got to find out the sex of the baby! We were unable to find out the sex with Matilda (crossed legs), but we found out yesterday that we're having another girl! The noodlehead tried to interfere by sitting on her foot, but when I explained that we weren't able to find out last time, the tech redoubled her efforts. After much jiggling and poking, she revealed the goods.

Two Van Tuyl Ward girls - how fun!

Science is Real

2010-08-13T21:11:00.000-04:00

Steve and Matilda made a barometer!

I love it when they do science experiments together. Female scientists are awesome. Wouldn't Matilda make a great scientist? ( . . . except that she's going to be a writer, of course.)

At the very least, though, we all enjoy listening to They Might Be Giants' songs about science. Matilda loves to sing about the elements:

Biology

2010-08-10T09:03:00.000-04:00

Matilda and I were talking about her friend Farrah, a friend from Philadelphia who recently moved to Ohio, whom we're hoping to see soon.

Matilda: When I grow up and go to college, I'm going to live with Farrah.

Me: That sounds like a good idea - you can be roommates.

Matilda: [in a tragic voice] But then I'll have to leave Farrah because I'll have to go get married.

Me: Maybe you and Farrah will get married.

Matilda: [still vaguely tragic] But I want to have a baby!

Me: Well, you and Farrah could have a baby together.

Matilda: But, Mama, Farrah doesn't have a sperm!

Determined to finish this convo to the bitter end, I responded with, "Well, you could get a sperm from somewhere else or you could adopt." I'm happy to report that Matilda followed up with questions about adoption rather than alternative sperm locations, but I know that those questions are just around the corner . . .

Summer

2010-08-07T10:23:00.000-04:00

What's better than leftover birthday cake in the backyard on a summer evening?

Long Awaited by Some; Just on Time for Others

2010-07-29T08:27:00.000-04:00

Look around the blog. Do you see anything different? Say, up around the top? The Twinkle was Matilda's in utero name, and we let her pick the next one. First kid gets The Twinkle, second gets The Noodlehead. So it goes, right?

Anyway, this is a roundabout way of saying that we're expecting a baby in mid-January! We're all very excited, possibly Matilda most of all. I'm 16 weeks along and feeling amazing, incredibly, indisputably good. It's shocking after how sick I was the whole time with Matilda. This leads people to speculate that it's a boy. It leads me to speculate that maybe this baby will sleep. I'm not sure that the logic is sound, but the optimism is refreshing.

Hopefully we'll know for sure about the sex in a few weeks, though we know from our experience with Matilda that sometimes babies withhold the goods! I'll be sure to let you know what we find out.

I just keep telling The Noodlehead that all we want is for it to sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Though, as parents who are currently PAYING their daughter a nickel each night to go to sleep without drama, at least we know that we have many strategies for dealing with this problem. Right?

Conversational Four

2010-07-26T14:43:00.001-04:00

Matilda: What you should do is say what you wish and then not speak to the other person for a week. That’s what I do with Gabriel. I just whisper a little whisper in his ear and that lets him know that I wish to talk with him for a long time. Then I don’t talk to him for a week.

***

Matilda: Mama, will you tell me a story about when I got sick and died?
Me: Oh, it makes me really sad to think about you dying.
Matilda: Please, Mama, please? [in a persuasive tone] Don’t worry, it’s just for pretend. It won’t really happen. You can just tell me.

And so I find myself telling Matilda the story of her own demise.

Camping, Take Four

2010-07-23T13:26:00.000-04:00

We celebrated our fourth (almost) annual camping trip with the Rajki-Lyfords in June. We've been almost every year since Matilda and Clara were born, except last year. That pesky move got in the way. But this year Sonja didn't let her 35-week pregnancy get in the way, which shows true dedication.

A recap:

The first year, when Matilda and Clara were five months old. Clara loved the backpack and slept well in the tent. Matilda was . . . opnionated:

The second year, when sleep was still unpleasant, but the days were filled with splashing and even a sno cone:

Note: no pictures from year 3, when Matilda didn't sleep at all the second night, and we just fled the campsite pre-dawn.

But this year. Ah, this year was golden. Matilda walked almost the whole way on a mile+, hilly hike. And she slept all night long in the tent, even sleeping later than the other kids. This is definitely the first time I have ever uttered that sentence. I will probably never do so again.

This picture just cracks me up. Just look at Celia (far left)! Even when she's cranky, tired, and not loving the natural life, she is funny. Getting to spend some quiet time in the trees with that spunky little sprite was such a treat.

And one last tradition: Matilda with her godparents, Mike and Sonja. Is it true of all families that we always try to take these pictures at the last minute? As we clustered around our cars, wet, tired, and bedraggled, we tried to squeeze in that last photo session. But it's true that I do love to have these pictures. Maybe they'll even make it into the album that Mike and Sonja gave to Matilda on our very first camping trip.

Gnome-mo-dress

2010-07-11T20:53:00.000-04:00

Remember this post? Where Matilda passed up all reasonable fabric options to go with insane gnomes? Well, it came, I crafted, and she got her dress. Which, I have to say, turned out to be ridiculously cute. When the fabric came - complete with a little bonus piece of a different gnome fabric - I thought it would simply be ridiculous. But no, ridiculously cute. Right?

OK, so pretty darn cute. And the best part? She won't wear it. Won't even touch it. Every time I suggest it, "tomorrow" will be its day.

But at least that doesn't stop us from singing the theme song from the 1967 movie, The Gnome Mobile. It might be the strangest kids movie we've ever seen, which is definitely saying something. But, really, how many movies feature a chase scene at the end where swarms of tiny, buxom gnomes chase a tiny, soap-covered gnome to determine who will marry him?

Gnome mobile, gnome mobile,
Riding around in our gnome mobile.
Oh, what a wonderful thing to feel,
Riding around in our gnome mobile!

Appleton Friends

2010-07-03T14:38:00.000-04:00

We were lucky enough to have good friends from Appleton visit us over Memorial Day weekend. (You know that they are definitely good friends because they got up at 3am and drove 11 hours to come see us with their two high-energy boys. But I digress.)

It's been almost a year since we enjoyed our favorite activities together (swimming and chilling out on their kitchen floor, if you're interested), but it felt like no time at all passed. Just recently Matilda met a new 5-year-old girl and told her, "You'd like my friend Galen because he's five, too. But he lives in Appleton." Always on our minds!

Raising a Future Bridezilla

2010-06-24T11:54:00.000-04:00

Matilda: "I'm going to attract a lot of attention today."

***

In the car, downtown, during the morning rush.

Matilda: "Do you see all those people out there, Mama? They want to get married. I want to get married. We all want to get married. Do you understand?"

***

Randomly.

Matilda: "I want to go back to Appleton when I grow up."

Me: "Go tell Daddy that you want to go to Lawrence when you go to college!"

Matilda to Steve: "Daddy, when I get older I want to go to Lawrence. I'm gonna get married to Gabriel and Sophia and we're gonna live in a house together in Appleton."

Steve: "Go tell Mama that you want to go to Brigham Young University when you go to college."

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-19T18:38:00.000-04:00

Happy Father's Day to Steve, who's possibly the best daddy around. Who else has this much fun just riding the bus with her daddy? (And who has this much fun riding the bus with his kid?) This picture totally captures Matilda and Steve together: laughing, a little bit madcap, a little bit schemeing (though usually not painted like Hello Kitty).

Happy Father's Day to all the great dads in our lives, especially Bapa, Poppy, and Grandpa Jellybean. You make our lives so much funnier, sweeter, richer, and infinitely better.

We love you!

Pinata!

2010-06-15T12:42:00.000-04:00

OK, so now that I have my dates right, Father's Day really is approaching. And what better way to celebrate than with one of Steve and Matilda's best projects? Well, "best" is really a relative term, here, because they've had some really good ones. But I love how these pictures capture Matilda's creativity, Steve's follow-through, and the crazy state of our house this winter.

I bring you: the pinata, a labor of love by a girl and her daddy.

Armageddeon

2010-06-10T10:41:00.000-04:00

This morning Matilda told me that, starting next April, there won't be any more weekends or any more days off until she goes to college. Which could be anytime during or after 2024. Or she might never go, which I guess could mean no more days off or weekends ever.

I just thought I should let you know.

In Costume

2010-06-08T14:18:00.000-04:00

In honor of Father's Day ~~this Sunday~~ a week from Sunday, ~~this week's~~ some upcoming posts will focus on the fun times that Steve and Matilda have together. I love to see what they come up with together.

This is a robot costume that Steve made for Tilda. Pretty darn cute, no? My favorite part is when she stumbles around, knocking the box on things, the foil antennae going haywire, talking in her robot voice. You know: "I. am. Ro-bot. Ma-til-da."

This one's just a gratuitous cute shot of Matilda after we opened a box from Nana and Poppy. Nana made this ladybug costume for Aunt Harriet and thought Matilda would like it. She was right. But Matilda also loves styrofoam peanuts. She might be amenable to being packed up and shipped out if there were enough peanuts. Anyone want a bug in a box?